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How a Sufi Found His Lord: A Crisis and How it Led to My Baptism
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A CRISIS AND HOW IT LED TO MY BAPTISM
The Principalship of the School, shortly after I had joined it as a student,
was taken over by Mr. (now Rev.) John Harvey Hickinbotham, a man of the most
saintly character and with greatest zeal to win souls for Christ that I have
come across during all these long years of my contacts with the Church. No
sacrifice was too great and no suffering too painful for him to bring one
individual to the knowledge of his Master. It seems as if he had a share in
his Master's burning passion to save souls. One by one he sacrificed every
thing in the service of his Master, his comfort, his time, his health, his
money and even the pride of belonging to the race which ruled the country
he served in the name of his Master. He nearly lost his life because of
his enthusiasm for the preaching of the Gospel, when he was shot through
his chest, the bullet closely missing his heart, bored a hole through this
body. The deed was committed by some non-Christian fanatics, whose identity
he never disclosed to anybody. It was on his return from furlough which he
had taken on his recovery from this wound, that he was appointed Principal
of the School. He was an ideal missionary for Muslims, and it was a happy
coincidence that I happened to be a student of this School during his
principalship, and thus the Lord brought me in contact with him whose
influence helped me so much in life.
It will not be out of place if I digress a little to speak more of him,
as it will help the readers to understand better the development of the
story of my life. I came to know him more intimately when we were
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in Nadia District, where in vacations and in later life I had the opportunity
of enjoying his fellowship. In the districts he wore Indian clothes, ate
Indian food and led the life of a villager. He spoke Bengali as freely
and fluently as he did his English. Later when he took charge of the C.M.S.
School at Chapra, in District Nadia he completely identified himself with
the village boys. The school was run for the benefit of the peasant boys
of East Bengal, and the total charges on account of tuition and board were
only Rupees two per month, and Mr. Hickinbotham bravely spared the simple
meal of the boarding with the boys consisting of coarse rice, dal, vegetables,
fish and occasionally meat. At meal hours he took his place in the waiting
queue formed by his boys, washed his own dish (the meal was served in one
dish only) and served himself at meal behaving like any other boy, and
addressing the housefather in as respectful a manner as the students were
expected to do. When on holidays I had the privilege of visiting him in
his school he never allowed me to have my meals with the boys in the boarding
with whom he had his own, but insisted on making a different arrangement
in order to feed me with better food. So complete was the identification
of himself with the people among whom he worked for his Master, that in some
respects he proved himself to be a better Bengali than the sons of the land
themselves. He yearned, prayed, laboured and did everything that was truly
worthy of an ambassador of Christ, to win the Mussalmans of Nadia for his
Master. He spent every moment of his life and every pice of his allowances
for the one great purpose of saving souls. So great was his enthusiasm for
the service of the Kingdom of Jesus that he would not admit non-Christian
boys to his School in Nadia, and almost all of these were Muslims, till he
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had the consent of their parents, that no objection would be raised if in
future their children were to decide to become Christians. On the other
hand he would promise that no undue pressure would be brought to bear on
them to accept Christianity, except the presentation of the Gospel and its
regular teaching, a promise which he kept faithfully. Nevertheless it is
amazing to find, that at a low estimate some ninety per cent of these
Muslim boys eventually accepted Christ.
More recently I have come across some such missionaries in the American
society, to which I have the privilege of belonging now, whose identification
with Indians was as complete as that of Mr. J. H. Hickinbotham, but with
one difference, which unfortunately has not resulted in bringing souls to
Christ in so large a number as he had succeeded in doing, the difference
being in the fact, that these friends in their identification with the
people of the land have gone to the limit of identifying themselves with
Indian aspirations politically as well. Mr. Hickinbotham, on the other
hand, left politics alone, the goal of his ministry was the winning souls
for Christ.
Now to return to St. Paul’s High School. There under the guidance of the
new Principal, Mr. J. H. Hickinbotham, the religious and evangelistic
programmes received a new inspiration and a vigorous support. The students
voluntarily agreed to contribute a part of their long vacations in doing
intensive evangelistic work in villages in Bengal. For this purpose,
camps were organised in villages in East Bengal. The assistance of the
local ministers or preachers, where possible, was sought, which was
cheerfully given, and under their leadership a programme used to be drawn
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up. In other cases the leadership used to be entirely in the hands of
the students. Mr. Hickinbotham always occupied a subordinate position.
We would pitch our tents in a village or occupy a mission house where
available, and every day after morning devotions, dividing ourselves into
bands of four or five with bundles of tracts, and Gospel portions, we would
go in different directions preaching from village to village. Others would
take charge of cooking, which was done by turns, and when after from four
to five hours' touring and preaching we would return to our camp, hot water
for our bath and food for our hungry appetite would be ready. In the evening
we would go again either to show pictures of the life of Christ with the help
of the magic lantern, or to preach in some markets, or organise a public
meeting in our own camping ground. I had the privilege of joining such
a camp and taking part in preaching before I was baptised.
It was on a return from one such camp that I earnestly pleaded with
Mr. Hickinbotham to have me baptised. He devised a plan in order to
accomplish this desire of mine. As a first step he took me along with him
to spend my summer vacation in Nadia District, at Ballabhpur, which was
a colony of Christians who were mostly converted from Islam, and most of
these were his converts. It was one of the happiest holidays that I have
ever spent. It gave us an opportunity not only to know each other more
intimately, but also to know the Bengal Christian community more closely.
It was during the days of such a close companionship with Mr. Hickinbotham
that I had free access to everything that was his. By this time I had
discarded my Muslim dress and had taken to Bengali costume which was the
common uniform of my School
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fellows in St. Paul's High School, Calcutta, and which Mr. Hickinbotham
used to wear when on tour. The converts of Mr. Hickinbotham were known as
his sons, and soon all round the districts I was called Hicky Sahib's son.
On our return from the districts he advised me to become a boarder.
I surprised and shocked my mother when I announced my intention to her
to live in the boarding house; and, collecting my few things, went over
to the School. At night I was surprised to find that my mother, a strict
pardah woman, was waiting for me at the door of the School. She, accompanied
by my brother, had come to persuade me to go home. When I met her I found
her in tears. It was one of the hardest struggles in life that I had to go
through. What was I to do, was I to go home with my mother, and give up
the idea of becoming a Christian for the present? I knew occasions when
I had experienced her boundless love, and now, was it right for me to
spurn that love, and turn a deaf ear to her entreaties. Why? Even religion
would not approve of such a callousness on the part of a son towards his
mother. The words of our Lord rang out in my ear more loudly than ever:
"He that loveth his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me"
(Matt. 10: 37). Nevertheless I expressed my willingness to go home with
her provided she permitted me to call myself a Christian. She agreed to
my becoming a Christian provided I kept my Christianity a secret. Once
again the words of my Master came to me flooding my heart: "Whosoever shall
be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of Man be ashamed,
when He shall come in His own glory, and in His Father's and of the holy
angels" (Lk. 9: 26). Consequently I told my mother
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what I felt about it. I said to her that it was impossible for Christianity
was not the religion of cowards and of dissimulators; moreover she would
not herself wish to see her son acting in a cowardly way, afraid of people's
opinion and behaving as a liar.
At this stage Mr. Hickinbotham walked up to us and desired to have an
interview with my mother. It was for the first time in her life that
she had spoken to a foreigner face to face. My mother's anxiety was chiefly
on account of my living away from home and her personal care and protection.
It was my going to live in the midst of the people who were completely
strangers to her that she dreaded. Half an hour's conversation with this
kind hearted missionary convinced her of Mr. Hickinbotham's affectionate
nature. She soon realised that I was going to live under the protection
of a man whose love for me was genuine, and consequently, consented not
only to my staying in the Boarding house, but also promised that no legal
steps would be taken, nor any disturbance be created by any of my relations
when I was to be baptized. Some, who are accustomed to look only at the dark
side of zenana life may find it an unusual thing for a woman in Islam to
act thus, and for her to feel that she could influence her people sufficiently
to overcome their fanaticism and zeal for religion when the question of the
apostasy of a Muslim youth was involved. Yet that is what my mother at that
moment actually did undertake, and with her good influence over the whole
family and her neighhours she was able to accomplish it.
This unexpected decision in favour of my baptism brought to me a great joy,
and it taught me an important lesson which was not forgotten, and which has
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served as a guiding principle in many critical hours of my life. In crises,
similar to what I had just passed the tears of my mother pleading with me
to return to my home as a Muslim, on the one hand, and the demand of my
loyalty to my Master not to compromise, on the other, when I have surrendered
my own will to Him and have made a decision on His behalf, the Lord has
pointed out His way and said: "This is the way walk ye in it," (Is: 301: 21).
In obscurity and darkness His light has shined. The test of faith has come
when a thing not only seemed to be hopeless but when it actually has become
an impossibility, and yet, faith blind to human calculations, has clung with
an absolute tenacity to the Lord's promise, it was then that in an unexpected
manner the Lord has opened the way, and that I received the solution of my
problem, relief in agonising pain, often not by removing the pain but by
giving strength to bear it, health and recovery in times of sickness, and
a comfort in time of anxiety. When He seemed too far away, He was so very
near to me.
How far I had learnt the lesson of trusting the Lord was soon put to a test.
On July 1st, 1912, I was received in the Church as a catechumen, and the
7th July was fixed for my baptism. On Saturday, the day before my baptism,
I had the privilege of meeting a Christian worker from Nadia, Babu Gyanandra
Nath Biswas, (called Gyan Babu), and a friend of Mr. Hickinbotham. He
challenged my faith and trust in my Lord, and pointing out to me, that, as
I had not been out to see my friends and relatives and had not witnessed
to them nor invited them to come and witness the baptism, I had relied on
Mr Hickinbotham and on the four walls of the School for my protection rather
than on God whom I called Father. With such a little trust in God, what
use was there of my baptism?
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So deeply did I feel convicted by what had just been said to me that
I immediately left School and went straight to my friends and relatives
and testifying to them of my new faith in Christ invited them to come to
the Church and witness my baptism. When Mr. Hickinbotham was informed
by his friend, Gyan Babu, of my errand on which I had gone he was much
perturbed for fear of my safety. But the Lord knew the weakness of His
child, and graciously protected me from all possible injuries and harms,
which I might have suffered as a result of the fanaticism of my friends.
On finishing my round of visits to as many friends and people as was
possible within the time limit allowed for boarders to remain out on
Saturday, I returned to the boarding house to the great relief of
Mr. Hickinbotham and to the great joy of Gyan Babu.
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