English Language Improvement

English spelling may be capricious at times, but...consider this.

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communication between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out these anomalies. The program would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at the top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using "s" instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard "c" could be replased by "k" sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would that klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome "ph" would henseforth be written "f". This would make words like "fotograf" twenty percent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutch as replasing "th" by "z". Perhaps zen ze funktion of "w" kould be taken on by "v", vitsh is, after all, half a "w".

Shortly after zis, ze unesesary "o" kould be dropd from vords kontaining "ou". Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no more trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.