….not right wing, Republican, Tea Party, Bible-thumping, pro life, gun toting, WASPS with unregistered assault rifles….
Barack Baffled by Boston Bombers’ Background
 -Satire
Mystified and more than a little embarrassed by the radical Islamic background of the Boston Marathon killers—a tremendous inconvenience for the White House which denies the fact of Islamic terrorism—President Obama sat down in the Oval Office for a private interview with his favorite reporter, Hugh Betcha—Director of the International Terrorism Bureau of the Stoos Views media conglomerate. Hugh, who walks with kings and princes, is respected by both sides of the aisle in Washington, and recently named “Most Respected Name in Reporting 2013” by MSNBC was happy to chat with his old friend. “Geeze, we got caught flat footed on this one,” the President moaned as he shook his head in disbelief. “Chris Tingle (Matthews), Eric Holder and I were taking bets,” the President continued, “and we would never have guessed this.”
“What?”
“Well, the Boston Bombers, you know,” the President replied. “who would have guessed about them?”
“What did you expect them to be?” Hugh inquired. Well, of course it would be only natural that they would be, you know….”
“No, what?”
“Well, right wing, Republican, Tea Party, Bible-thumping, pro life, gun toting, WASPS with unregistered 100 clip assault rifles, to be frank,” the President retorted. “They cause most of the violence in this country as you know.”
“Says who?” asked Hugh in disbelief.
“Joe Biden,” the President replied, “he is an expert on guns and terrorists you know.”
“So what surprised you about these Boston Bombers exactly?” Hugh inquired.
“Well, that they might be Is-, Is-, Isl- , Isla- you know….” the President stuttered as he tried to mouth the word.
“You can say it, c’mon Mr. President….”
“Islamic—-“ the President said as if expelling the word from his throat.
“Way to go—it’s good for the soul. Islamic who? C’mon now,” urged Hugh.
“Ter-, Ter-, Teror-,” stuttered the President once again.
“Say it—it will make you feel better and the rest of us too—just say it.”
“Terrorists,” hacked the President as if coughing up a hairball. “Islamic terrorists…there I said it.”
“Why is it so hard for you to believe this?”
“”Cause we really do not have them here,” the President replied. “And there is really no War on Terror—just a bunch of criminals who so happen to be radical Islamists who so happen to dislike us due to occasional political differences.”
“That reminds me of border security. Does the murder and mayhem in Boston cause you to view our policy as to whom we let in, and whether we are watching suspicious persons closely enough, and on illegal aliens any differently now Mr. President?” Hugh asked.
“We do not use that language here,” the President scolded.
“What language?”
“’I. A.’ you know—those are cuss words around here,” the President said sternly. “Sort of like a guy saying ‘G.D.’ in a house of worship.”
“How about foreigners who are not supposed to be here and have no papers?”
“Nope—also too offensive.”
“How ‘bout persons from other countries who are not citizens but want to be without going through legal channels?”
“No again—so offensive.”
“Then what do you call these folks who cross our borders illegally, live here and want the benefits of citizenship without obeying the law and expect Congress and you to provide an easy pathway to citizenship with no fear of repercussion?” Hugh asked.
“Unregistered Democrats.”
© 2013 William Kevin Stoos
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Copyright © 2012 William Kevin Stoos
William Kevin Stoos (aka Hugh Betcha) is a writer, book reviewer, and attorney, whose feature and cover articles have appeared in the Liguorian, Carmelite Digest, Catholic Digest, Catholic Medical Association Ethics Journal, Nature Conservancy Magazine, Liberty Magazine, Social Justice Review, Wall Street Journal Online and other secular and religious publications. He is a regular contributing author for The Bread of Life Magazine in Canada. His review of Shadow World, by COL. Robert Chandler, propelled that book to best seller status. His book, The Woodcarver (And Other Stories of Faith and Inspiration) © 2009, William Kevin Stoos (Strategic Publishing Company)—a collection of feature and cover stories on matters of faith—was released in July of 2009. It can be purchased though many internet booksellers including Amazon, Tower, Barnes and Noble and others. Royalties from his writings go to support the Carmelites. He resides in Wynstone, South Dakota.
“His newest book, The Wind and the Spirit (Stories of Faith and Inspiration)” © 2011, is scheduled for release in the summer of 2011. All the author’s royalties go to support the Carmelite sisters.”
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